


Monster Behind Me

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey, the GazettE
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, M/M, Rape, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-23
Updated: 2008-03-23
Packaged: 2017-11-13 23:10:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/508733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here I stand, plastered to the wall, a monster standing behind me, pressing inside of me. It’s like some kind of twisted porno scene. Since when does reality come in doses like this?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monster Behind Me

**Author's Note:**

> For those of us who didn't notice, now we know why Reita has to wear his nose band...  
> Written for 50stories and for y!weekly prompt 029: End of the Earth. Also for prompt_rotation prompt 0002: Suffocation.

Is the reality of this so sad that I can’t even push you away when I know this is nothing but wrong? Is it pathetic that I want this as much as I hate you for driving us to this point? Is it wrong that today feels like the end of the Earth as you press me mercilessly against the wall?

Maybe this is just where I belong. Your breath harshly spilling across my neck, your hands rough against my skin as you pull needily at my clothing. The texture of the wall digs into the soft skin of my cheek and seems to subtract from everything else. I press myself harder against it, dragging my skin brutally over every ridge and bump of it, silently begging for it to release me from this. Since when have I become the masochist? Since now… since this very moment in time, frozen solid, just as solid as the contact of your naked skin against my own.

Part of me wonders where I’m going with my thoughts, wonders if I’ve lost my mind. Maybe I have. Maybe you’ve pushed me over that last edge and I’m forever falling. It’s odd how I’m not even questioning what’s going on, just accepting… always accepting. You don’t love me, but I love you. You want to push your dirty cock inside of me, but I don’t know how to tell you I don’t want it this way. I’m just your sloppy seconds.

My heart pounds loudly in my chest as you press into me. I bite my lip to stifle the cry of agony as you rip me apart inside. Why does it have to be this way? Why can’t you love me like I love you? Why can’t you just give him up and walk away? But it won’t ever be that way. You’ve said it can’t be. Won’t be.

Your fingers dig into my hips and I cry out almost desperately. Desperate for what, I’m unsure. Maybe for more, such the masochist I’ve become. And maybe for it all to stop, maybe for it all to be the way it should be. I feel lost, like reality is swirling away. Maybe it’s all a terrible dream, because the Die I know would never do this to me, to anyone.

The Die I know would take care to never hurt another person. But then, the Die I know vanished the instant I let three little words slip past my lips. The look in your eyes changed from curious to angry. Why are you angry I told you how I feel, how I fell? Why did I have to open my mouth?

Tears streak down my face as you begin to pump faster into me, your voice echoing in my ears sounding more like some kind of demon than the voice of pleasure I know it should be.

Here I stand, plastered to the wall, a monster standing behind me, pressing inside of me. It’s like some kind of twisted porno scene. Since when does reality come in doses like this? How the hell did I end up here? Two weeks pass and nothing and then this, out of nowhere, like some kind of hell storm in the form of a red-haired beauty. It’d knock me off my feet if I even had control of when they were touching the floor.

You moan breathily against my neck and your hips slam into me twice more before you release inside of me. It’s a feeling I dreamed of so many times, but never like this. I never wanted you to force me, to use me all for yourself. I wanted you to hold me, to love me… to be with me. So much that I wanted, smashed against the wall. Shattered dreams shrouded by harsh reality.

You pull out and let me slide to the floor. I just collapse into a pile of what I used to be. I leave a bloody trail down the wall behind me. From the sharp sting, I can tell the damage won’t heal right. Too bad for me. Perfect for you. A permanent reminder of what you gave me here tonight.

I can feel your cum dripping from me, mixing with the blood already running down my thighs. The door opens and then slams shut and I just lay there in my own hallway, wrapped only in the memory of what you’ve done to me. And still, I can’t let go. I still love you just as much as I did fifteen minutes ago. But now I hate you, too.

I’ll never face you again. Not like this. Not if I don’t have to. I hope you go home reeking of me and get that nasty smirk wiped off your face by Kaoru. Or maybe he’s taught you to be like this.

I slide my fingers into my hair and pull until I can’t help but scream. And I scream until I have no more voice, until the tears have run dry and all I can do is choke on my own parched mouth. I claw at my throat, praying for it to stop. Something pounds in the background, only barely registering in my senses. Panic comes and all I can do is gasp for breath until the incessant knocking on my door ends in a splintered, crashing mess.

The edges of my vision blur as my fingers tighten around my throat. Maybe if I crush it all away, the pain in my soul will end. My eyes find you, the intruder in my home, and I gasp out one final word before falling back into darkness.

“Kai…”


End file.
